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PAGAN PARENTING: Pagan Catechism

by Amanda Cummings

How can parents encourage children to understand (not necessarily share) our Pagan out look on life? How can we teach Pagan practices without "indoctrinating" our children? Should we as parents insist our children join us in circles, rituals, feasts, or celebrations? These questions are all related. They hinge on our basic understanding of the importance of religious practices in our lives—both from how we were raised, and how we experience religion and religious expression as adults.

To some of us, religion wasn't very important in our daily lives when we were growing up. We went to church on Easter and Christmas (maybe), and it really didn't intrude on everyday living. Our parents' attitudes about "GOD" and church and the rest, was that it was a nice idea, but not necessarily pertinent. Others of us were raised going to church and socializing there because that's what was expected. That's what all the "nice" people did. It was a social obligation. Some of us were at the church every time the doors were open, because our parents were determined to make "good Christians [Jews, Muslims, etc.]" of us. They saw their job as instilling these beliefs and dogmas in us, lest we ruin our lives and burn forever in Hell. It's a broad spectrum, but somehow each of us is influenced by the way we and our parents viewed our spiritual lives as we were growing up. This formed the basis of our spiritual paths as adults. Now we are in our parents' position. What is our place as parents when it comes to influencing our children's religious/spiritual experiences and values? How do we lead without stuffing ideas down our children's throats?

First, talk to your children about everything that has been in your life from the very beginning. There is a huge difference between talking with and talking at. Children are quite perceptive when it comes to this. And they react the same way we do when we are not being spoken to respectfully. They tune out. This is not to say that if you speak respectfully to your children they will always listen (HA! I wish!), but you definitely increase your odds of being heard. So, please, when you talk to your children, talk with them. It will just make everything easier in the long run. In this case, talking at children would consist of sitting down with your child/ren and "telling them how it is"; i.e., "This is our religion, This is how we do it. This is why we do this. This is how you do it, too. Any questions? Great. I'm glad we had this little talk." Uh-huh. Talking with them might mean waiting until your child presented the subject. Or asking a question, like, "What do you think about?" and see where it goes. Many parents are surprised to find out how much (or little!) thought a child may have already given to the subject.

My children grew up going to public celebrations with me. They learned the pentagram, Elements, colors, etc. on my lap. They sat in my circles, or stayed out of my room as they chose. I have tried very hard not to force-feed my spiritual path to my children. But our religion is fun and beautiful and children appreciate these things. So, when we make "Easter eggs," they have Pagan designs on them; and my children know what they mean. Spirals are symbols of life finding its way back from the Underworld. Bunnies remind us of birth and fertility since they have so many babies so often. Flowers are for— well, Spring! When we make "Christmas" cookies, we have a cookie cutter that is the Goddess, although I believe they are marketed as "angels" in the stores. My kids picked Her out for me. We eat candlelight dinner at Candlemas and remember that even when things seem darkest, the light is coming, even if it is not yet here. We have "Thanksgiving" on the Fall Equinox because that's when the first of the Fall harvest is in. (We also have Thanksgiving in November, of course. Anything for a party!) Summer is kind of a funky celebration at my house. We have a party for all our friends about July 14th, Bastille Day. It is a very silly celebration, complete with cake and costumes, and a good time is had by all. It is held outdoors, and the weather is always fine. This is one the "unpagan" friends come over and celebrate, too. It is a blast. It's not exactly Lammas (although we generally have bread riots!), but it is in a similar spirit. My children also know when I'm in the back yard and the moon is full that I'm doing magick and practicing my beliefs. It's all very low key, and not too weird, and I have talked about it all to them since they were teeny. They have helped come up with many of these ways we incorporate current social practice with Pagan practice because they were included in the planning.

Fall is coming up. Here are a few ideas for the Fall holidays that you and your children may enjoy. While Lammas is still a Summer holiday, being before the Fall Equinox, it is still a harvest holiday, so I include it with the Fall celebrations. For Lammas you can find a cake pan shaped like a man and bake cornbread in it. Voil! The Harvest God! People love interesting shaped food to eat. Just look at Jell-O. If you have a garden, this would be a good time to take a bit of what you've planted and put it on the dinner table or your altar as an offering of thanks for the harvest that is coming. If herbs are ready, they can be cut and hung to dry. Anything you are going to use for seed for next year can be collected and blessed this night as well. It is the perfect time to tell the kids the story of the God dying and becoming the seed of new life in the Spring.

Mabon, or the equinox, is when we have a terrific Thanksgiving-type feast. Fall Equinox is officially here and the harvest is begun in earnest- time to decorate the house accordingly. Wall decorations are an inexpensive way to "festive" a place up. My children still pick out wall decorations to tape up. Any flowers in the garden will be about bloomed out. My plum tree is pretty much picked clean and we have probably been making jam for a week by the equinox. Fall is the time to be grateful for our plenty, but also wise in our preparations for Winter. That's why I try to can whenever I can get my hands on the equipment at this time of year.

Last, but certainly not least, is Halloween! For many Pagans, this is the biggest night of the year. I used to celebrate with quite a big bunch of Wiccan/Pagan folk, but the last few years I have found myself celebrating more quietly. I leave out food for the dead, including my grandfather's favorite, Waverly Wafers and milk, and sit out among the candles and listen for him. Of course, my children go trick-or-treating, and people come by and visit. I read Tarot for them, and we talk and eat (of course!). My second child has asked me to teach her the Tarot, and by this Halloween, she too should be able to read.

When my children were younger, they went everywhere with me, including religious celebrations. Now they are older. Religion is not so much "taught" anymore as it simply is. I have always told them they will know the right religion when they find it. That's what happened to me. I have tried to expose them to as many religions as I could. They have celebrated Hanukkah, Christmas, and Beltane. They have gone to church and stood in circle. They have known people who are Jewish, Buddhist, Christian, Wiccan. As they get older, they will have all sorts of experiences and information to draw on when they decide to follow their own paths. Who knows? I could be raising a houseful of Christians! In any case they will know about my religion and what it means to me and why. They will have seen it first hand. Maybe it will be meaningful to them as adults. I have tried to include, without pressuring, my children in my religious practices. I recognize they are my practices, not necessarily theirs. They know my circle outdoors. They know their father's church. They know there are more than these two religions. Ideally, they will make informed choices about their spiritual paths as adults. Ultimately, this is what every parent wishes for their childrenthat they grow up into wonderful, intelligent, caring adults. Our part is to be sure they have the tools and experiences to make those choices on their own and to be happy for them as they live their lives.

Bessed Be!