NMR ISSUE 45

Activating Miraculous Success
Astrological Forecast 45
Basic Wiccan Knowledge
Brigit's Well
Delores Ashcroft-Norwicki
Dolphin Magick
Editorial 45
Esoteric Symbology of the Tarot
How to Celebrate Yule
Journey Down the River A Pathworking
Letters 45
Maat Magick Nema
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Oxford's Shiel-Na-Gig
Ritual in Light
Solitaries & Gatherings
Spelle of Contagion for AIDS Research
Spiritual Vampires Marty Raphael
Stonesong
The Call Goes Out from the Earth's Cetaceans
The Circle
The Faery Faith
The Goddess in Motion
The Sacred Pentagram
The Sun Ritual
The View from Handscrabble Creek
The Ways of Old
Thelema and Wicca
Tiger
Vireo, Glowworm and Manta Ray/Stingray
Winter Circle Shawn E. Danahoo
Within My Heart

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Pagan Parenting: Christmas

By Amanda Cummings

It's coming. You can feel it. You can't believe it's already here again! It's (ta-duh!) the Holidays! It's that time of the year when everything seems to go a mile a minute and life is one big whirl of running, doing, getting, wrapping, eating, giving, shopping, cleaning, and finally breathing! And you know what? I love it! Call me masochistic, but it's true. It is my favorite time of year. I know lots of people who dread all this, and I understand, but I can't help it! The holidays just make me so happy. I know it's a lot of work, and all that whirling energy can make your head swim, but that's why I like it. What a rush! All that happy, fun, thrilling energy! You have no choice but to go with it, swirled along on a river of food and wrapping paper and tinsel. It's so much fun!

Isn't that what we all liked about this time of year when we were kids? Not the spiritual significance, or the changes in nature. That was part of it, but what really got us was it was just so much darn fun! Building snowmen and drinking hot chocolate, decorating the house, helping in the kitchen, waiting for surprises, getting presents. What a lot of fun!

I still think it is; though from a more adult perspective now. I know how much all that stuff costs, for one thing. I know how much planning is involved in making everything wonderful and memorable. But even for all that, I still think this time of year is glorious fun! And so do our children. So what kind of cool pagan-ish things can we do with our kids that won't lose the spiritual side of the holidays and can still be fun?

Hallows kicked off the holiday season. I trust you had a great time trick-or-treating, bobbing for apples, reading Runes and Tarot, and remembering our beloved dead. The next holiday is Thanksgiving, a harvest celebration. It is in honor of people who were thankful to have enough food to live, the same as our forefathers and mothers of pagan days. This would have been celebrated at Lammas or the Autumnal equinox, but it's on the calendar as the third Thursday of November. So why not? Like we need an excuse to celebrate. And what a great reason for a party. Gratitude! Being truly grateful for all the bounty in our lives: friends, food, comfort, food, security, food, and of course, food! This is a time to gather with our nearest and dearest, to be glad for what we have and that we are together, and to celebrate being secure in our ability to last through the winter.

This is not a celebration like spring where we celebrate being alive because it's new, and exciting. This is celebrating our reliance on nature (and our people) to get us through the long, hard and discouraging parts, and being confident that we will get through them. Comfort, friendship, and security; these are the things this holiday revolves around.

As with all other holidays, we went to my grandmother's house to celebrate. Gramma would go all out. You name it, it was on the table. Turkey, corn, sweet potatoes (homemade, not canned), Waldorf salad, bread, vegetables, green salad, mashed potatoes and gravy. It makes my mouth water just remembering. For dessert there would be pumpkin pie, chocolate pie, pecan pie, whipped cream. Then of course, there was football. Gramma had a TV in the kitchen, my mom would be in the den with us kids watching the game (unless we were in the kitchen nosing around and nibbling and watching the game). And it didn't matter who was playing. Football was reason enough to have the TV on. We were polite and turned it down during the blessing of the food. But woe to him who caused us to miss an awesome play! Eventually the food would be eaten, leftovers stored, dishes cleared, and everyone would lie about, completely sated. What a wonderful feeling. Safe, secure and full! Turkey salad for weeks! For this we were truly thankful.

Now family members are scattered across the map, some no longer associating with others, and Thanksgiving involves airfare instead of a car ride. Yet we are still grateful for each other, for our security, and to know that life goes on and so do we, in spite of adversity and into the future, as were our pagan forebears.

Thanksgiving is followed by Christmas! The mother of all holidays! The ultimate fun time for kids. Even though it's a commercialized and Christianized Yule, I still think it's fun, purely fun. Decorating a tree, or baking, or surprising people with presents is absolute unadulterated fun to me. It starts when I hang the calendar. My mother made a calendar for my sisters and me when we were little, pre-reading. So the Christmas calendar had no words. My mom got tired of little preschoolers saying, Is Christmas today, Mama? So she made a picture calendar so we could count down to the Big Day. We lived for Christmas. As an adult and parent and Pagan, my perspective has shifted, but it is still huge amounts of fun. Now as a Pagan parent, I see more significance in the smaller things we do. I still make a picture calendar for my children, even though they are big enough to count and read. We still do something fun every day; even if it's just a little thing like mailing Christmas cards. Now we make more of our decorations; paper chains, candleholders, candles. These make good projects for the calendar, and they afford time for discussion with your children.

Whatever you do as parents at this time of year: don't preach. Christmas is more fun than a child can imagine and it seems it will go on forever. Encourage this feeling. When you discuss why you're painting nuts silver and gold to hang on the tree, remember not only the spiritual significance of the Sun and Moon, but also how beautiful they will look. Stringing popcorn is not only ecologically sound and pretty, it's fun! Sit around eating popcorn, stringing popcorn, cooking more popcorn, and drinking hot chocolate by the fire. Then wrap all the strands around the tree and standing back. Beautiful! And it's a fun evening.

Putting up a tree is one of the first things we do. It just seems like Christmas then. It smells like it and looks like it. We bring a bit of nature in, reminding ourselves that even though the world is dead outside, it will green up again, and come to life magically. This is one of the times I tell the story of Demeter and Persephone. I have told this story so many times that my children are able to tell it on their own.

Then there is the question of when to celebrate this pagan holiday. At one point in my growing up, my father tried to insist we not celebrate Christmas, because it was originally a (shock!) pagan holiday. He was right, but we didn't care, even then, because for children even spiritual lessons are subject to fun.

At my house, we spend a quiet night the evening of the 21st, amazed at all the darkness. We do as much by candlelight as we can and are quiet, listening to music and reading stories. Sometimes we have exchanged presents on this day. Mostly your celebration date will be determined by your people. If your relatives aren't Pagan, it might be bad manners to insist on celebrating on the 21st. Your family may not understand, or not be open or comfortable with this. On the other hand, don't try to read people's minds: give them a chance. My grandmother will never understand, but though my mom isn't Pagan, she would have no problem with celebrating the Solstice and has done so with other friends of hers. The important thing is that we all get together and share this spirit of hope and optimism. If we can get together with our non-Pagan relatives and find some middle ground, that makes for a celebration everyone can enjoy.

In my family, as always, the Big Party is at Gramma's house. Sometimes it's Christmas Day, sometimes Christmas Eve (depending on when my children are spending time at their father's). When I was growing up, it was always on Christmas Eve. We did not have a traditional Christmas dinner. We had chips and veggies and dip, cold meats and salads and rolls. But Gramma's piece de resistance was homemade divinity, hand-dipped chocolates and popcorn balls. And of course there were presents for what seemed like hours. I realize now how quickly all the gift giving really went, but it seemed like forever when I was a child. Some Pagan gift ideas would be incense, candles, and the like; but also clothing made from natural fabrics (cotton, silk, linen), and things that encourage creativity, like art supplies, jewelry making, needlework, paper making (you can find kits for all these).

Christmas is a busy time where we get to do nice things for all our family and friends. But it is also good to remember that there are people who are not as prosperous as we are. Christmas is a perfect opportunity to put our money where our mouth is.

There is much talk about welfare reform right now. I maintain that the best way to effect reform is to do what we can ourselves. There are plenty of ways we can help. My mother always found someone who was worse off than we were (and we were poor) and we would put together presents and groceries and leave them on the doorstep. Now charity organizations will help put this kind of arrangement together so you can adopt a family or a child for Christmas. Charity is an essential component of this holiday for me and my children.

Ultimately, we celebrate with generosity and beauty. But most of all we have fun! Enjoy your personal traditions and your children.

Blessed Be
and Happy Holidays!