NMR ISSUE 38

Astrological Forecast 38
Beyond the Need to Control
Editorial 38
Esoteric Symbology of the Tarot
Ethics and the Ethic
Ghigau's Song
I'm a Witch, Okay?
Letters 38
Luna
Meditation on the Elements: Air
Pagan Meets Neo-Pagan
Place Between the Worlds
Prophecy II
Protection Charm for your Car
Rain
Saturn Rising
Shadowland
Soul Mates
Summer Opportunities
The Magician
Trout and Dragonfly

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Pagan Parenting: Summer Opportunities

By Amanda Cummings

We are now moving past spring and on into summer. We will see less and less spring showers, and the temperature will continue to increase. Our children will be out of school, and very happy to be free! We know, as parents, the sad truth is that in a few weeks, our kiddos are going to be bored out of their little minds! And they will pose the perpetual dilemma— There's nothing to DO-O-O-O-O!

Historically, summer break was to allow children to be home for the fieldwork that took all available hands on a family farm. There probably weren't many bored children working sunup to sundown—tired, exhausted, cranky, but definitely not bored. Education was valued less than hard work and production when folks lived in agricultural communities.

Since we are the urbanites we are, and the schools are as overcrowded as they are, some school districts set up a year-round school schedule. Two of my children are in this kind of schedule, and the oldest is in the summer off variety. The year-round schedule takes its breaks at the solstices and equinoxes (conveeeeeenient!) which works out very well for us. It's easier for me to find someone to watch my gang for a week or two than three months at a stretch, too. The oldest goes to her father's for a month, and then has two months to fight boredom. She's pretty creative, but still, it is a chronic problem. Still and all, with the year-round or traditional school year (or if they are too young to be in school, or if you're home-schooling), you're going to have kids home for a long time in the summer (even if you're lucky enough to have a two-week family vacation to break up the time). What to do, what to do, what to do— Perhaps I can offer a few suggestions (from a Pagan perspective, of course!).

Find out what kind of nature preserves are in your area. In many of these, not only can you walk, hike and explore on your own, but they offer guided walks and hikes. The guides (some of whom are volunteers) are usually environmentally aware; they will point out the local flora and fauna, explain some of the history of the area, and explain why the preserve was set up. In my area, you can go see the wild flowers in the desert, tour old San Diego fort (called the Presidio), or the mission the Spaniards founded. You can hike in the mountains, or go the Children's Cove in La Jolla and swim, or see the caves in the area. Just pack a picnic, and away you go!

Camping is another option, almost everywhere—even just for a weekend. It's not terribly structured, and very relaxing. You can make a game of collecting things, like rocks, feathers, leaves, etc. You can take your kids on a nature walk. Even if you don't think you know very much about the great outdoors, your kids think you know everything, and you may learn a thing or two from them, too.

A trip to the library is an option in the summer months as well. You can look up the things you found while camping. Most libraries have summer reading programs which are contests, mostly of self-competition. (Unless you have more than one child—but if you have more than one child, you already know the compete over everything!) The libraries usually offer some sort of prize or party for young readers who complete a certain number of books. And, of course, you can offer your own incentives for any particular books or subjects.

After you've gone camping or hiking and collected your pretty rocks, feathers, leaves, etc., you can have a craft day. Feathers can be wrapped with thread, and decorated for a smudge fan. Rocks can be painted with Pagan symbols. Leaves can be used for rubbings, or patterns for making construction paper leaves to decorate with for the coming fall.

Gardening is a big favorite in my house. We have planted a flowerbed along one fence in the back yard. They are blooming riotously now—black-eyed susans, bachelor's buttons, daisies, four-o'clocks, marigolds, alyssum and many more. New seeds planted at Beltane are coming up at the far end. The plum tree has little green fruit, and the lemon trees give all year long. It will be late in the season to put out a garden now, but window boxes of herbs or flowers can be started anytime. There is something intrinsically magical about watching dead dry seeds turn into thriving plants, and this magic is reflected in children's eyes. It is a good opportunity to discuss how the seasons turn, and why we as Pagans celebrate the way we do.

My plum tree has been a good example of this. My oldest child took the stones from part of the garden border and made a heart around the base of it for Valentine's Day. It has long been my favorite place to have an outdoor altar, and now it has a nice stone circle (sort of) around it, too. Everything inside the circle has been allowed to grow (mostly because the lawnmower can't get to it). When the first little pale green leaves show on the tree, and the little white flowers bloom on its branches, we know it is spring. We try to begin preparing the ground for our garden, and watching for other signs of the season. As the leaves broaden and darken and the flowers drop, we have learned to anticipate the arrival of the blue jays. They are regulars. The developing plums, green and swelling, mean the jays will be around through the summer. While we humans get the plums off the branches we can reach (which is more than enough, believe me!), the jays know they get everything in the top branches. My children have been taught that just as they share things with each other and other people, we must share what we plant and grow with nature, as well. So we do not disturb the fruit in the top branches, so the birds can enjoy as well.

As summer progresses, we watch the fruit ripen, and see how pretty our tree looks with all the different colors on it, both of fruit and leaves. The children have learned how to tell ripe fruit from not-so-ripe, and we do our best to leave them on the tree until they are ripe. The children realize that picking plums is work, but we make it a project and it goes quickly. Then we make plum leathers (like fruit rollups) and jam. Neither last too long. The leathers go to school in lunches with the year-round gang (the folks at home get their share, too). The jams quickly get passed out to friends and relatives with a healthy share left for us. It's a really happy plum tree!

After the plums are gone, we watch the leaves change color and drop (yes, even in southern California). We know that winter is coming and the tree is getting ready for it. The leaves usually last until Hallows and then drop, almost en masse. It's always neat at Hallows to have brown and red leaves on the tree. Then they drop, and we know winter is around the corner. We watch the rains of winter wash the black branches, and we await the new green leaves of spring.

When you have a reverence for life (as is necessary in Paganism), then you look at children not with the sappy oh-aren't-children-precious-adorable-angels dripping drivel, but with respect for who they are. They are alive. They are real. They live in the here and now. This is one of the biggest things adults have to relearn. In our culture it is one of the things we have to give up to be adults, the ability to simply enjoy now. As adults, we have to spend much of out time planning; working toward our goals for the future, bemoaning our mistakes in the past, and trying not to repeat them in the future; meeting deadlines; and coming out ahead, on top, successful—at the end. This is the life our culture sets for us and which we have been taught to set for our children in order to make them successful. We have to teach our children to value these things, because it does not come naturally to them, any more than it did to us.

When we look at our children, we see them experience every moment with no concern for the next. As parents, we have to help them understand about responsibility, how to look out for danger and stay safe; but right now, what do we see? Children with phenomenal imaginations, beautiful dreams, terrific expressive skills (just watch `em play house, or a game they've made up, or listen to them read a book or tell a story) and high hopes. This is the 0 trump card of the Tarot, the Fool: the innocence, not of ignorance, necessarily, but of lack of concern; the bliss of being completely absorbed in the now, experiencing it fully. I think it is one of the most important things we can learn from our children. And as we become aware of living moment to moment, we can share at that level our experiences with our children.

If we accept the dogma of reincarnation, as so many Pagans do, then we need to acknowledge that there are things our children can teach us. We may be physically older, but over the aeons, they may have the experience to teach us a thing or two. If we can lose some of our socialization long enough to see children for who they are, rather than what we have to make them into, we lose so much frustration. We no longer have to make them good, honest, decent, etc. It is my opinion that nearly all children start off with these things. Raising children is no longer the burden we are taught to make it to be. It no longer becomes the constant battle of wills, but a means of learning respect, communication, and sharing of experience with each other. And with that as the basis of the family relationship, the battles and conflicts are much more manageable and less destructive than what we see around us in this culture. Parenting requires far less moralizing and judgmentalism than we have been led to believe. And giving up those hard and fast rules heads us into new and uncharted territory. How would a child look at that? Is it thrilling, this unknown? Is it an adventure? Is it exciting? For me, it is all these. And when I hold my child's hand, I know I'll get through it all right, and we'll get to the next moment together. Who could want anything more?

So whether you spend the day at the beach or walking in the woods, or working in the garden, or tending your window boxes, know that nature is all around you. Show it to your children, marvel at its intricacies, enjoy the sensations. Know that all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals, and enjoy the season of warmth, growth, change and relaxation ahead of you!