NMR ISSUE 34

An Urban Wicca
Astrological Forecast 34
Behind Closed Doors
Dagger Moth, Walrus
Editorial 34
Esoteric Symbology of the Tarot
Hail the Season, Merry Meet
Letters 34
Magickian
News from the Front
She Changes:
The Banishing
The Extended Pagan Holiday Season
The Magical Flute
The Seven Faces of the Soul Part II

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Pagan Parenting:
The Extended Pagan Holiday Season

By Amanda Cummings

Here we come to the end of another year? Samhain passing and Yule ahead. Not to mention the other holidays of Thanksgiving and New Years! Whew! It's enough to make your head swim!

I happen to love the holidays, though. I can't wait for The Season to begin. Football on the TV, turkey in the oven, costumes, decorations, great food! Why can't it be like this all the time? One of the nice things about being Pagan is that the holiday season is stretched out even longer—clear to February 2nd! Isn't that wonderful? So today I'll be Helpful Hannah and give you a list of suggestions and tips for surviving The Season with you and your children not only intact, but in great style and with a lot of fun!

Hallows

Since this issue of NMR will be arriving shortly before this holiday, I'm sure you will already have costumes picked out for trick-or-treating (for the children) and partying (for you adults). Remember, this is the night when we invite our dead friends and loved ones back to visit. So in addition to getting as much candy as possible, you might want to set out traditional foods to remember your dead. Traditional foods were bread, cheese, milk, beer. However, anything that was a particular favorite food of someone who has passed over is more than appropriate. If your children help prepare the food with you, you can tell stories of a special someone who was part of your life.

And don't forget! This is a great night for divination. Depending on the age of your children, you might read Tarot cards together (my second child can tell the story you see in the cards pretty well), or draw runes, or bob for apples. Have different colored apples floating in water. The different colors are different prophecies. Red for strength, golden for (you got it) wealth, green for love, or whatever correspondences work for you. Little things go a long way to broaden children's perspectives. By doing some little things, you encourage them to look beyond How much candy did you get? I'm not saying bobbing for apples with the family will ever take the place of going tearing through the neighborhood on the quest for candy by the ton, but it will add a little different perspective.

Thanksgiving

While for us Pagans, this holiday would more appropriately be on Lammas or the Equinox, nonetheless, it is here on the national calendar, so it is convenient to celebrate it on the third Thursday of November as well. I've seen few Pagan folk who feel there are too many parties in a year! This is a good one for spending close to home for a lot of people. Since it isn't a traditional Pagan holiday, there are fewer demands on our time—no public celebrations to attend, no circles to rush off to. Thanksgiving in my home is usually potluck from folks I am counting on to attend. I cook turkey(s), and most everyone brings the rest. I find that my family is home to several other folks, so we usually have between 20 and 40 around the house. It is a great time for playing music, catching up on all the gossip, and, of course, watching football (no, not my husband—I'm the aficionado!). Football always has happy memories for me. It was the only acceptable reason (short of serious illness or death) for missing church when I was growing up. If church got out at 11:30 but kickoff was at 11:00—oh well, we were missing church that Sunday, I can tell you! And it was always the women in my family who were big football fans. It wouldn't be the men-folk around the TV. It was me, my mom, my gramma, and my sisters. It was a family event! Isn't that what Thanksgiving is about—family stuff?

The other nice thing about a potluck Thanksgiving dinner is that most of the preparation happens elsewhere, cutting down on the amount of dishes needing to be done. We also usually have a let's crank out the dishes gossip-fest in the kitchen part of the day, too. And then of course, there are leftovers for dinner (on paper plates!). All in all, it's a pretty lazy day of socializing with good friends and family. This includes the children. These are the places where they learn to talk with the big people and how to behave, in small doses where they can manage. They help in the kitchen, gossip with the adults, and? WATCH FOOTBALL!

Yule

This is it, folks! The big one! One of the most common questions I hear is about how to handle Yule/Christmas. It just depends. How orthodox do you want to get? I know people who simply don't celebrate Christmas. Their families know their religious persuasion, and the children get presents from the relatives on 21 December. On the other hand, I know people who don't feel the need or try to compete with the current calendar (sort of like Thanksgiving). They celebrate Yule in great Pagan style on 25 December. To me, it makes more of a difference how comfortable you are in doing any of the above. I'll tell you how my Yule/Christmas goes.

We begin celebrating this season almost immediately after Thanksgiving. On the first of December the Christmas calendar goes on the wall, scheduling something to do every day to get ready. One day we address cards (there are some nice Paganish cards out now), one day we mail them, one day we bake. One of the things I grew up doing (and still try to do) is to take things to a family we know who are in need, anonymously (or as anonymously as possible). Sometimes we have to make an arrangement with one of the adults. We would bring a bag or two of groceries, and a present or two (usually homemade) for any children, all wrapped up. It was part of how I learned about karma when I was growing up. We were poor. Very poor. But it was important to my mother to see that we learned to give, because there were always people who were more needy than we were. So out of our little, we found enough to give to someone with even less. When I was a single parent, I saw this kind of generosity, sometimes anonymously, sometimes not, returned to me and my children from friends and family. It was always encouraging to be able to turn to my children and say, See, the Goddess always provides for us when we really need it.

December 21st is not only Yule in my household, but my wedding anniversary, so we usually save this night for family things. We go out to dinner and enjoy each other's company. We have gone to see a movie on occasion (hardly any crowds, by the way—the same on December 24th). Each of the children get to open a present.

December 24th is at gramma's house. It has been since I can remember, with few exceptions (the year my grampa died was one of the exceptions—we celebrated at my mother's). Christmas Eve dinner has always been, since time immemorial, cold cuts, bread, veggies and dip, chips, and—the piece de resistance—homemade divinity and hand dipped chocolates and fudge. The giving and receiving of gifts would take hours, each present opened one at a time—an eternity for children (I can still remember how long it felt). But now with my grampa having died and some family members having moved away things move along a little more quickly.

December 25th is the day SANTA COMES! The children are up early and breakfast is served for all who are there (various members of the household and my mom and gramma). Christmas Day is an open house at my house, and everyone is free to drop in all day long. The nice thing is they usually do, too. I have other relatives in town, and we usually see them on 25 December, or on the afternoon of Christmas Eve.

A little side note, here. A lot of Pagans get their panties in a knot over the Christmas vs. Yule title of the holiday. I fail to see the big dilemma, except for Christ being a non-Pagan deity. I have nothing against Christ, and so no hard feelings against the word being used for this holiday. And most Pagans don't have a problem with the Christianization of our other holidays by making them into masses—you know: Candlemas, Lammas, Christmas, Hallowmas. So, there. I've said it. Christmas or Yule makes no big deal to me. I feel better.

New Years

About the time you think you've got the house put back together? Another Party! This time to celebrate the calendar's New Year. I usually have a party at the house. However, this year, a friend of mine and I are having one over the weekend (since it will be a 3 day weekend). It will be camping with a ton of our friends. Some people frown on including children in adult type parties. They seem to think it is harmful for children to see adults carrying on like lunatics, drinking (or drunk) and enjoying themselves. I happen to disagree. My household is very responsible about their behavior. Everyone's keys go in a basket, because no one drives until the next day. But apart from that precaution, I don't think it's traumatizing for children to be around adults who are having an adult good time. My children know what it looks like to drink, what it looks like to drink and get a good buzz, and what it looks like to drink too much. They are not frightened by it; they are not overly intrigued with the idea of being falling down drunk. Their opinion is that it makes you look "stoopid". And they've seen enough folks with hangovers the next day to not be envious. That's good? For now. Soon they'll be old enough where that opinion will change, and I'll get to deal with them and their hangovers. It's part of growing up for most folks.

Well that brings us to January 2nd, and guess what? You've lived through the Twelve Days of Christmas! You get a month off. But wait! There's more!

Candlemas

The official end of the holiday season for Pagans. Time to take down the holly and ivy, put away the tree, remove the decorations. Time to clean house, set things to rights. Get on with everyday life. Until this season rolls around again? 271 days to go!

Blessed Be!
Joyous Holidays!