NMR ISSUE 32

Astrological Forecast 32
Boredom's Natural Cure
Calling the Winds of Change
Editorial 32
Electromagnetic Energy and Crop Circles
Esoteric Symbology of the Tarot
Letters 32
Midsummer Hunt
Pilgrimage to the Parthenon
Swan, Wallaby, Bull
The Magical Flute
The Old Devil
Vernal Equinox - A Druid Tradition
Worlds Collide!

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That Old Devil: Codependency

By Donald Michael Kraig

Many years ago I had a friend who was an alcoholic. I didn't know it at the time because in my youthful naiveté I misunderstood the way some alcoholics function. In particular, this person would occasionally call me on the phone and tell me of her stomach ailment and that, being a nature-oriented person, she did not want to take drugs. Instead, she asked me to bring her a bottle of wine and the alcohol and grapes would help her. And, helpful person that I am, I would rush to her aid.

I didn't realize at the time that I was exacerbating her illness. Later, when she ended up in detox, I realized what I had done. Although she has forgiven me, I still have pangs of guilt over what I innocently and unknowingly did. I sometimes wonder if I simply wanted to please her and ignored all the warning signals that I should have seen.

The interaction between us is what is known as codependency. Admittedly, this word has been overplayed in recent years, and many things termed codependency should probably not be so named. Or, perhaps it would be more correct to say that there are levels of codependency, say from 1 to 10, and many codependencies are really at the lowest level.

The notion of codependency is rather simple. People are not codependent, but relationships are. In a two-person, codependent relationship, one person exhibits an addictive behavior while the other satisfies an inner need by helping the addict maintain the addiction. The worst part of this relationship is that the person helping the addict thinks that they are helping the person when in fact only harm can result. Further, the person helping the addict often thinks that by aiding the addictive behavior the relationship of the two can be saved. In reality, the addict only wants the other around as long as that person will help support the addiction.

The whole thing is a negative symbiosis, harming both persons and inevitably leading to disappointment, separation or even death of one or both of the people in the relationship. Obviously, paying for 50 channels of cable TV for a couch potato would be a lower number on the codependency scale than, say, prostituting oneself in order to raise money for a heroin or crack addict; and the results of the former are likely to be less serious than the latter.

Both people will deny the negativity of their relationship and fight to keep the relationship going no matter how much they deteriorate mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Separation is the only thing can really begin the healing.

Not long ago I was discussing this subject with a friend and I had the realization that the Tarot trump The Devil, as illustrated in the Rider-Waite deck, closely matches this concept.

There are three figures in the card. The two human figures are small while the figure of the Devil, in this scenario representing the codependent relationship, is more than twice their size. Note that either of the humans could leave the relationship—the chains are loose around their necks. Why do they stay attached to the relationship? My assumption is that it is because they choose to do so.

What then, is the treatment? A look on the Tree of Life indicates how the energy changes between Glory, the eighth Sephira, and Beauty, the sixth Sephira. This gives some hints at what is going on. Glory, in this instance, refers to the understanding of the wonderful power of the physical body in this world. Beauty, in this instance, refers to the understanding of the magnificence of the spiritual body, the soul, if you will. This implies that the relationship between the two, when misinterpreted can lead to the exaltation of one over the other. The result is a false interpretation of reality—in truth, we are both physical and spiritual.

The problem can be met by increasing the value of the body to those who are overly in the non-physical, and increase the value of the soul, the non-physical, to those who are overly in the body. The healer working to aid a couple in codependency should consider trying to discover where each person is on the continuum between Glory and Beauty, and bring in the opposite force, as needed.

1994 Donald Michael Kraig