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Pagan Parenting: Spring

Amanda Cummings

Well, here it is? Spring (or it will be soon, anyway), the time of year when the earth comes alive again. Even here in Southern California, in the middle of the desert, flowers will soon be blooming, trees budding, fruit trees flowering. What a wonderful time of the year.

When I was a child, this was the time of the year when we would plant flowers or beans and watch them sprout and grow. This was the time of year for new dresses, colored eggs, and deep spiritual thoughts about rebirth. When I was in college, I can remember driving through the Southern countryside, completely overcome by the beauty of the season. I could look out over the hills and see waterfalls where there had been ice. The tall oaks and maples had tiny pale green leaves just dotting the still black branches that had recently been bare and bent to the ground with ice. And about half as tall as those trees, were the dogwood, blooming pink and white. You could see how the ground rose and fell by looking over the tops of the dogwoods all the way down the hillside. And there were crocus and hyacinth and narcissus and daffodils everywhere. It is my favorite time of the year!

This is the time of the year when we in the Pagan community remember youth, childhood, our Goddess and God as children, romping in the fields, playing with each other. Isn't that a delightful image? When you think of them, young, innocent, big eyed and full of the wonder of life, does it change how you look at your children? As the year changes from babe to maturity and on into death and rebirth, have you ever thought of how your children reflect those changes?

I always see them at about age 9 or so, in a big field. The God is blond, tanned, with blue eyes and freckles on His nose, which crinkles up as He smiles. He has big teeth, and is sort of lanky; the way boys are at that age. The sun sparkles off His hair as it does off the yellow flowers that are growing there. He's usually playing tag with a little girl with long dark hair, dark hazel eyes that sparkle as She looks back over Her shoulder, trying to evade His outstretched hand. Her dress is green, like the trees on the edge of the field, and there are ribbons in Her hair to match. Her skin is dark and Her laugh is like bells. She has a long lean figure, the kind you'd find on a cross-country runner. She moves through the grass and flowers like She is one of them. She is the Goddess.

That is usually how I picture Spring. The little boy and little girl playing tag, catch, watching clouds, picking flowers, and any of the things children do. And then I think of my children. How can we look at children the same way our culture does when we have these kind of images to show them and to remind ourselves of? We have such a different perspective of children in our philosophy.

When you have a reverence for life, as is necessary in Paganism, then you look at children not in the sappy oh-aren't-children-precious-adorable-angels dripping drivel, but with respect to who they are. They are alive. They are real. They live in the here and now. This is one of the biggest things adults have to relearn. In our culture it is one of the things we have to give up to be adults, the ability to simply enjoy now. As adults, we have to spend much of our time planning ahead, working toward our goals for the future, bemoaning our mistakes in the past and trying not to repeat them in the future, meeting deadlines, and coming out ahead, on top, successful at the end. This is the life our culture sets for us, and which we have been taught to set for our children in order to make them successful. We have to teach our children to value these things, because it does not come naturally to them, any more than it did to us.

When we look at our children, we see them experience every moment with no concern for the next. As parents, we have to help them understand about responsibility, how to look out for danger and stay safe; but right now, what do we see? Children with phenomenal imaginations, beautiful dreams, terrific expressive skills (just watch `em play house, or a game they've made up, or listen to them read a book or tell a story), and high hopes. This is the 0 trump card in the Tarot, the Fool. It is the innocence not of ignorance, necessarily, but of lack of concern. It is the bliss of being completely absorbed in the now—experiencing it fully. I think it is one of the most important things we can learn from our children. And as we become aware of living moment to moment, one day at a time as the saying goes, we can share at that level our experiences with our children.

If we accept the dogma of reincarnation, as so many Pagans do, then we need to acknowledge that there are things our children can teach us. We may be physically older, but over the aeons, they may have the experience to teach us a thing or two. If we can lose some of our socialization long enough to see children for who they are, not what we have to make them into, we lose so much baggage. We no longer have to make them good, honest, decent, etc. It is my opinion that nearly all children start off with these things. Raising children is no longer the burden we are taught to make it to be. It no longer becomes the constant battle of wills, but a means of learning respect, communication, and sharing of experience with each other. With that as the basis of the family relationship, the battles and conflicts are much more manageable and less destructive than what we see around us in this culture. Parenting requires far less moralizing and judgmentalism than we have been led to believe. Giving up those hard and fast rules takes us into uncharted territory. How would a child look at that? Is it thrilling, this unknown? Is it an adventure? Is it exciting? For me, it is all the above. And when I hold my child's hand, I know I'll get through it all right, and we'll get to the next moment together. Who could want anything more?

Best wishes for a joyous Spring!